From the Desk of Vince Ditrich
I really got a full taste of the Christmas spirit when I went down to the Post Office the other day. Waiting for me was a box that I wasn’t expecting. Inside this mystery box were peanuts of packing foam swathing a brand spanking new ‘Labatt’s 50′ ball hat, in traditional ‘Cinquante’ green. It perches atop my huge Czech pickle jar like an ashtray on a watermelon, and underscores my deepest and truest hoser lineage. I am completely delighted with it, but apparently my delight is unique. I’m not getting rave reviews on the look, but I adore how it goes with jammies, and I am agog at how badly it scares teenagers. They fairly scatter. What a powerful object.
Thing is, I am not certain who sent it. It is one of those Xmas miracles that we read about. Someone overheard me telling the story of how I once exulted in delight at the sight of an ex-pat Canuck proudly wearing this same hat, right in the heart of Warsaw, as he tugged on it and proclaimed, ‘Cinquante! Cinquante! Cinquante!’ in his broadest Quebecois accent. The Polish locals looked on in some bemusement as that reject from a Red Deer rink yelled over their elegant dinner in the restaurant. But to me it was a gorgeous thing, like croaking out ‘Giver’ as the Queen takes a sip of champagne. And now I have my very own green Cinquante lid.
Whatever kind soul sent me this artifact of hoserdom, I offer in return a photo of what automatically and uncontrollably happens to your face if you wear such a hat, and I thank you profusely. I also send you the warmest Christmas greetings